From Kamala's Personal Papers

1965 -6/15

 
Should recall that I awoke one morning with the strange feeling of 'no feeling' for over a week early in June. Physically and mentally was 100% all right - yet for an unknown reason - unlike anything I have ever known. All interest in everything - all desire for anything - gone as completely as a physical stroke can take away movement. Nothing I love to do had any interest. I was so indifferent. I could analyze it but could not change it. NOTHING on earth had interest - not even spiritual things. I was as a 'robot' must be. Work on my book was the first thread to lead me out of this. (corrections for 3rd Ed.) Reading had no interest. I read, but it did not matter what the words said. I was indifferent. I was not even depressed. Just no emotion. Why? I have questioned. I don't know yet at all, but a Tornado struck within a mile of our cottage at Palmer Lake and took Bradley's home in its way. They were not there so were not hurt. I only record this feeling because I wonder if 'on the inner astral side' I had some shock - or a pre-knowledge. I hope it is over. God Bless us and keep us in thy Love, and thy own Haven in thee, God. I did not wish to write anything so seemingly negative on this beautiful page - but it was a part of life and may have been significant - maybe like overcoming an illness. It must have been inner - astral, but concerning myself very deeply. It feels over, now by the last of June, but I ... READ MORE

1959 - 8/9

 
In night dreamed of Master - Woke late with first body relaxation in months - complete. I have been praying for this kind of relaxation - For so many spiritual experiences in the past came when in this state.

1959 - 9/3

 
This afternoon I woke after a brief nap - but before I opened my eyes a very small little deer came up to the edge of my bed - and looked at me long - with very large eyes. I spoke to him then responsively, in love, reached out to pet him, thinking he would like it - but also knowing I was moving my physical hand and he was 'astral' He vanished as I moved.

1959 - 10/5

 
Recalling a vision with Master after waking later. Asked him a question and he replied 'Yes, for one whose words will Fire and Inspire.' Though I don't recall my question now - I could feel warmth seep through me. [A physical sensation as when one is suffused with a happy emotion] But physical - like feeling a 'blush' for the warm pranic energy seeped through me from the wonderful feeling his words brought. It was like balm to me - to comfort. So completely wonderful to be with Master.

1959 - 4/2

 
Calling Master - in anguish - suddenly peace pervaded all of me and there can not be anguish and peace - So I was all joyous. Oh Master - Guru - how dear of you to respond - my need for peace filled brimful. Thank You, Master.

1959 - 11/1

 
A dream talking with Master on phone. He was not saying much - I asked if I had phoned at an inconvenient hour - He said little - I asked if I couldn't see him. Suddenly I was in the room with him. His smile showed friendly welcome and I sensed a pleasure I had persisted rather than not.

1959 - 12/23

 
Christmas Holidays - Holy days at Mt Washington. Daya's experience in Divine Mother's love - her sobs - her bliss. I knew then for the first time the feeling for myself of the Mother aspect of God. Now I see and feel both.

1959 - 12/10

 
A wonderful happening! I heard a loud bang against the house. I moved quickly to the window thinking it a boy's baseball - and instantly - from our yard flew Bluebird - the first I've ever seen that I can recall of a sky blue color - not dark as a bluejay - so light and beautiful! A large bird. I thought with great joy - the 'Bluebird of Happiness.' I had been contemplating a matter deeply - came to a conclusion and the sound called me to see it.

1980 - 5/21

 
A spiritual blessing in hearing part 2 of Anandamoy's tape of Guru - Disciple Relationship, sounding like Master in one part and so wonderful in all of it. Stirring.